Day 30. What have you learned over these past 30 days?

I think that the most important that I have learned over the past 30 days is, not to procrastinate. I'm not going to lie, there were a few nights that I went to sleep instead of writing my entry for the day. This project made me think about things that I wouldn't have and write in a way that I knew I probably wouldn't have other wise. I'm really glad that I had the chance to work on this project, because of the way it made me think. I don't know if I will continue writing on this blog, because I am normally terrible at these 30 challenges. I typically forget after the first two days so the fact that I even finished one is a big accomplishment.

Day 29. Write a poem about feeling free

Galloping across an endles field

All you can hear is the beat of their hooves.

The wind in their manes.

Their Breath escaping their nostrils.

The clang on the bit as it shifts in their mouth.

Galloping across an endless field,

All you can feel - is free.

Day 28. A suicide note.

He knew that they would cry when they found him on his floor the next morning. His arms would be crusted with his own dried blood, and his mother would ask why. A small piece of paper would be crumpled in his hands, telling them not to blame themselves, but he just couldn't go on. Little did he know, trying to write that small note might just change his mind.
"Dear mom, I'm sorry but..." no, not right. He crumpled the paper and threw it in the waist basket. Maybe he shouldn't just address it to her, but to everyone. "Dear family," he started again. His pen hovered above  the paper, once again no knowing what to write. There were do many different things to try to say, how was he going to make them understand what he was going through. How was he going to make it so they didn't hate him. He loved them all very dearly, but he just couldn't take the constant bullying anymore. he stared down at the blank paper, trying to thing of what to write.
"I'm sorry." was the first thing he wrote. He thought that it might be easier to get it all out without addressing it to someone. He lowered his pen to the paper and slowly began to write again. "I know that this is going to be hard to understand, but please don't hate me. Just know that I am sorry that I'm putting you through this pain. Mom, please understand that this is not your fault. I promise. There was nothing that any of you could've done differently, so please don't blame yourselves. I know you're going to ask why. And I'm going to give you an answer. You all know that I'm gay, but no one at school was supposed to. But someone told them, there were awful notes in my locker. People yelled horrible things at me every single day. I tried talking to the office, and the guidance councilors, but no one would listen. I'm sorry I didn't come to you first, but I just couldn't take the bullying anymore.I hope that maybe this will make them realize how serious bullying can be." Tears splashed on the paper as he wrote.He knew writing this would make him want to hold on and try again, but he knew that he couldn't. He wished there was a way to show not only the bullies but the school system just how serious he was being. But he knew there wasn't. 
He read over his note, making sure everything was worded just right. When He came to the end, he realized that there was something very important missing from this. Picking up his pen for the last time he wrote "Please, after all of this is over, don't forget me. Remember the happy and funny me, the me that would crack jokes at horrible times just to make someone smile. And never, ever, forget that I love each and every one you." He folded the paper neatly into a small square and held it tightly in his hand. Slowly he picked up the razor blade and held it to his wrist. He pressed down hard and dragged it toward his elbow, blood quickly covering everything. He quickly repeated the process on the other arm, a minute passed and he was feeling rater light headed and before he knew it, he had fallen to the floor with a very loud thump. His world was getting darker, and right before he passed out he thought he heard someone running up the stairs to make sure he was okay. Maybe he was going to be saved after all. 

Day 27. Post a story of your own that you have written at least a month ago.

Everyday its the same thing; get up, get dressed and go to school half asleep. I'm tired of it. I need a change, I need to do something exciting, but I don't know what. Go to a party? No, not enough.Road trip? No, still not very exciting.Go to a different country? Maybe, but its still just a vacation. Its not exciting, nothing is exciting anymore.I want to do something that fills my entire body  with energy, fear, excitement and adrenaline. But, what could I do? Bungie jump? sure, but it  works for a second or two, but then its just fun, and I've had enough of fun god dammit.  Sky dive?  still only for a few moments then you're just floating and, wheres the excitement in that?No matter what I did I still couldn't think of anything that would fulfill my need. There must be something I'm not thinking of, something great that will be thrilling, exciting, providing the rush I need oh so badly. But the question is, what!? I've thought about this for months now, and every time I think I have a great idea, something or someone would distract me and I would forget t. Maybe if I think think really hard, and really focus I'll come up with something.So thats what I did,  I just sat there and thought for for what seemed like hours and got nothing.Maybe I'm thinking too hard.So I try and just let my mind wander and not think of anything. I did that for another two hours or so and still got nothing. I didn't know what else to do! Thinking didn't work, not thinking didn't work, what else was there to do, google it?! Actually that might not be a bad idea... but what would I search? "Exciting, adrenaline pumping things to do that last then more then a couple minutes"? I have this slight feeling that I wouldn't get any results, so googling is out of the question. I couldn't ask someone either, they would think I've gone mad, when really im just bored.I want to do something most people would find "life threatening" , but I don't want to die, really I don't, even though it could be really exciting...One thing I considered once was getting into a really bad car accident. I know it sounds crazy but just think about how scary that would be, and how much adrenaline would be pumping through me when it was happening. There we two bad things though, one it wouldn't last very long and two I might actually die, and I really dont want that. I really like my life, ya know?By now you're probably wondering who I am and your probably thinking I'm crazy. Am I right?... I thought so. I guess I should probably introduce myself before I tell you anymore. Well my name is Tony, Tony Whitefield. Crappy last night don'tcha think? Another thing you're probably wondering is why the hell I'm telling you about my need for a rush. Well the thing is, that was me a few months ago, six to be exact. What I came here to tell you about was me getting that rush, but not in the way I expected and I don't want it to happen again. I came to tell you about the time I got kidnapped. *(this is a story that I started a while ago but never really finished it. I still can't decide whether I'm going to continue with this one or not. )*

Day 26. Write about something ugly — war, fear, hate, cruelty — but find the silver lining in it..

As an old war veteran laid down to sleep the night after a buddies funeral, images of his life flashed before his eyes. Not many of them were pretty, consisting of war battles and hospitals. He could tell you from experience that war was indeed hell. He had spent most of his life jumping from fox hole to fox hole, crawling in the mud and muck trying not to get killed. Fear was a constant companion in his life, he couldn’t remember a day passing without it. Now that he thought about it, it didn’t really sound like a life anyone would willingly choose. But he knew that wasn’t the case. Thousands of people just like him gave up their life for their country. Giving up their children's first steps, sometimes missing their birth completely. He knew that it was going to be hell when he joined, but did it anyway. Sometimes he wondered if joining the Army was really worth all of the pain an sorrow it brought. A tear silently rolled down his cheek as he remembered his friends that fell during battle.

“Daddy?” His oldest daughter spoke softly, “are you alright?”

“I’m fine darling. Just thinking about life.” he placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed it gently. 

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“Would you do anything differently?” she paused waiting for an answer, but nothing came. “I mean, would you ever change your life at all.”

“No.” He answered simply. “Well, I would change one thing.” he said after a few moments. 

“What’s that?”

“I would’ve loved to see you, Jack, and your mother more.” a smile flashed across his face.

“Thats the only thing you would do differently? Even after all of the hell you’ve been through?” she asked, full of confusion. 

“Darling, let me tell you something. I hope to God that neither you or Jack will ever have to face the same things I did while I was in the army. And yes, a lot of what I went through was terrible, but I wouldn’t trade the life I have lived for any other in the would. You wanna know why?” She nodded silently, “Because with out people like me fighting, you wouldn’t have been able to have the happy free childhood you had or the life you have now. The pride I feel and the friendships I have made will always outside the negative. Now come here and give me a hug.”

She walked to him slowly and embraced him “I love you Daddy” she whispered in his ear.

“I love you too darlin’.” 

Day 25. Post a poem you wrote a while ago.

Summers Flower In a bright spring field a flower blooms. Its peddles dark purple with a center like the sun. Mother natures work at its finest. It sways in the early summer breeze. Growing closer and closer, to the end of its "life". Peddles falling off one by one, blowing in that same breeze.  Until all thats left is a lone wilted green stem.

Day 24. Write a haiku

Mother natures grace
Continuously changing
but never absent.

Day 23. An argument.

Sarah:
(Shouting and throwing things as her husband quickly attempts to apologize) How DARE you?! How dare you come in here and tell me you’re sorry after sleeping with that whore. Don’t tell me that you didn’t know what you were doing, or that it was a mistake and you will never do it again, because you know that’s bull! Get out. That’s right, you heard me. LEAVE. I never want to see your face around here again. Good luck finding anyone else, because when I tell people what you did, no one is ever going to be with you again. You filthy dirty pig, get out of my sight! (shoves her husband out of room and slams the door in his face.) 

John:

(standing in the hall way outside of their apartment, banging on the door shouting) SARAH! Open up this damn door right now or I swear to God I will break it down myself! (pounding continues) How is it my fault that you're a terrible wife!? You're selfish and terrible, what else did you expect me to do? All you do is complain about this or that, not caring about anyone other than yourself! (pounding slowly begins to stop. A few moments of silence pass) You know what Sarah? Tomorrow you're going to be sorry when you call to apologize and I'm not there. You just lost the best thing that has ever happened to you! I hope you're happy! (with a final, loud bang on the door, he storms away in a fit or rage.)




*(I decided to extend on something that I had already written, not only because I liked the idea but I felt as though I needed to work on my monologue writing and figured this would be the perfect time to practice)*

Day 22. Something irritating.

As I walked into the library, the smell of musty old books overwhelmed me. "I knew there was a reason I hated coming here." I muttered to myself as I walked over to the computer work desks, thankfully there was one, and only one, desk open.  As uncomfortable it may be, I had no choice. I needed to get this project typed and this was the only way I could do it thanks to that stupid laptop.
"Do you mind if I move this?" I asked the gentleman who was using the desk next to mine. He had all of his stuff spread across two desks, and was completely ignoring the fact that I was even there.
After a moment I tapped him on the shoulder lightly, "Excuse me, sir?" I asked him politely again, and still got no response. I waited a could minutes before trying one last time. "Sir." I said more loudly this time, causing me to receive a dirty look from the librarian. "Will you please move your things, I really need to get to work." I waited here for 2 minutes before giving up. I picked up his stuff off of my desk and plopped it onto his.
"What the hell!?" he shouted at me. "What is your problem lady? I'm trying to work here." He said as he spread his papers across my desk again.
"My Problem? I've been politely trying to get your attention for the past 15 minutes, so I could get to work." I was starting to get irritated.
"What?"
"Your crap is taking up two spaces, and I really need to use this empty computer. So if you would be so kind to move your things over, I would greatly appreciate it." I replied sarcastically.
"No." he said simply before turning around and placed his things on to my dest yet again.
"What did you just say?" I shouted by now I was past irritated, and moved to full on pissed off. People from all around the library were starring.
"I said no, now if you could please leave me alone, I have a lot of work to do." his voice was starting to rise. The librarian walked over to us.
"Excuse me!" she said in a hushed yet very stern voice, "But there are people trying to work in here and if you two don't be quiet I will kick you out."
"I'm sorry ma'am." I replied in a whisper. "But this gentalman will not move his things so I can work at this computer desk. I have a very important essay due tomorrow and desperately need to type it up. I don't want to disturb any one."
"Sir." her voice was still very harsh, "Will you please move your belongings so thing young lady can work on her essay?" after a few moments of silent eye contact she added "Don't forget that I have the power to kick you out of here, then you really won't get any work done."
A few more moments passed before he spoke again. "Yes Ma'am." He collected his belongings and moved them from my desk.
"See now that wasn't so hard now was it?" she smirked at him before turning her attention back to me "There you go miss. Good luck on the essay and if you have any questions feel free to ask." she smiled at me and returned silently to her desk.
"Thank you." I said in her direction as I sat down at the computer. I checked the time, 5:15, that jerk waisted 10 minutes of my time. I opened a word processer and began to type. I glanced to the man who made this so difficult, "God," I thought to myself, "people can be so irritating."

Day 21. Write a story using song lyrics as inspiration

I walked in the door, tears streaming down my face and turned on the music that would both make me fall apart and keep me calm.

When it rains it pours and opens doors
That flood the floors we thought would always
Keep us safe and dry...

Thoughts of the day, run through my mind. I thought she would always be there for me. She always told me that no matter what, she would keep me safe. but I guess they say "when it rains it pours" for a reason. 


And in the midst of sailing ships
We sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye


I lose it, body convulsing with sobs as I fall slowly to the floor. How can she be gone? I just saw her this morning. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek as I left her house, expecting to see her later that night. She seemed so healthy, so full of life. How could she be gone so quickly?


And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion
That won't seem to let me go...


I feel like this can't be real. I can still feel her touch on my arm, and her kiss on my cheek. She has to be here still. Deep down I know its not true, I know that she's gone. I wonder how long that feeling will last. 


Cause when I look to the sky
Something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost
Something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here


I made my way out to the porch and looked up into the dark starry night, a strange feeling of relief over washed over me. I took a moment, and stopped crying. She was dead, and there was nothing I could do about it. But she wasn't gone, she was still here with me.


And every word I didn't say
Caught up in some busy day
And every dance on the kitchen floor, we didn't have before

I remembered the times when I was young and she would dance around the kitchen with me as we prepared dinner together. I regret not doing that as I grew older, because those memories are some of the fondest that I have. But I always better, more important things to do than help her prepare dinner again. I should have told her how much those memories ment to me because, I knew that she enjoyed it just as much, if not more than I did. 

And every sunset that we'll miss
I'll wrap them all up in a kiss
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away

I guess there was a reason she always had me kiss her before I left for anything. I never understood what that reason was until today. Now I realized you can never know if this is going to be the last time you're ever going to see the person you're talking to, so give a hug, kiss, let them know you love them before saying goodbye because you might not have another chance. 

And while I float upon this ocean
I can feel you like a notion
That I hope will never leave

I can still feel her here with me, I don't think that feeling is ever going to go away. A part of her is always going to be with me, because when you grew up with someone they leave a small part of them in your heart. Just as you give a part of yours to them. 

'Cause when I look to the sky
Something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost
Something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way

The tears have slowed now, but haven't stopped. I don't think they will for a while. I'm still on the porch, looking up into the night sky with endless questions that will never be answered. I remembered her obsession with the stars, they have always been her favorite. It's nice to know that she is up there with them, and comforting to know that she will never be too far out of sight or out of mind.

Whether I'm up or down or in or out
Or just plain overhead
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly

This morning, I would've told you that I thought I could fly. Now, I feel as though my feet will never leave the ground again.

But with you I can spread my wings
To see me over everything
That life may send me when I am hoping it won't pass me by
I know that she wouldn't want me to be so sad, and I'm really trying. For her. Tomorrow I'm going to go out there, and live my life. I know that the last thing she would want is for me to miss out on my life just because hers is over.

And when I feel like there is no one
That will ever know me
There you are to show me

Without her I wouldn't be the person I am today. When ever I was feeling bad about myself, she was always there to pick me right back up. She understood me when no one else did, and living without her was going to be difficult. Thought I knew I had to do it, to make her proud.

When I look to the sky
Something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost
Something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here
When I look to the sky
Something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here
And when I feel like I'm lost
Something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here


I let my mind go blank and fill with the music, and any other memories of her that happened to enter my mind. I was broken into a million pieces, and I had to figure out how to pick them up with out her here. Using music, I'm creating a bridge from my world to hers, that only we can understand. 

Day 20. Your favorite writ­ing project

I think my favorite writing project is probably the story that I have been writing, on and off, for about a year or so. It's called "Life as a wolf". I have it posted to a writing website and this is what I have as the 

Description:

 "

Nioki has just woken up as a wolf for the first time to discover that it is her soul mate, Luka's fault that she is like this. Now, a few years later they are alphas of their own pack. Luka and Nioki must learn to deal with the troubles of running a pack while trying to figure out what they really are..."

I think I like working with this story because, its entirely my own. I have complete control over what happens with it and I really like that. Though sometimes I find it difficult to write (which is why I only have 8 chapters after over a year of work), I am really glad that I started this. Sometimes I get embarrassed of the story because I think people will find it strange, but then I remember that it's creative writing, thats kind of the point of it. I'm really excited to continue working with this project because I have some really good ideas for where I want this story to go. 

Day 19. Pirate-Ninja-Zombie Wars

When Devon and I traveled to San Nicolas Island off the coast of California for navel research, we weren't expecting to walk right into the middle of a war. We knew something was going on when there were hundred of boats surrounding the island, each one of the casting the black skull and cross-bone. Cautiously we docked our boat and wandered slowing onto the island, searching for the crew that we were supposed to be meeting. I turned to Devon, "Dude, what the hell is going on?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing"
Pirates of all different shapes and sizes, we running in our direction. The smell of rum was over powering. "We've gotta get out of here!" I tured to face the boat, but there was no chance. "Run! Follow me!" I shouted to Devon as I took off into the woods. We ran for about 10 minutes until the pirates were out of site. We knew evading them in their drunken state wouldn't be much of a challenge. "Dev!" I called to him "Do you know where this Navel base is?"
Devon turned in circle a few times before answering me "Well, it's the only thing on the island, and there are only supposed to be about 25 soldiers on this island, but I guess we know thats not true." We heard the muffled noises of the pirates gaining on us once again, "Lets go that way." Devon said as he pointed east, "I think I see smoke." We took off running, hoping that we would find who we were here for, and maybe get some answers about what was going on around here.


When we arrived at the navel base, we didn't get the answers we desperately needed. No, instead we gained even more questions. There wasn't a single normal living human being to be found.  The navel soldiers that were once stationed here, were now brain craving zombies, that were desperately searching for the pirates to sink their teeth into.  We silently hid behind one of the buildings, trying to figure out what was going on, and how we were going to escape. Thats when we overheard some pirates talking. This was a full fledged war between Pirates, Zombies, and, dare I say it, Ninjas. The pirates were convinced that they would come out on top, but they had one weakness, their slowness and they knew it. As they quietly discussed their game plan, one of them fell dead. "Damn Ninjas." another mumbled before he and the others quickly moved to a new location.
"Nick." Devon mutter softly to me.
"Yeah?"
"Don't you think It might be a good idea to take cover? There are freaking ninjas out here and I really don't feel like dying today." his voice became slightly panicked.
"Good idea man." I mumbled as I surveyed the base for an under ground shelter. I found one, but it was about 200 yards away. "Dev, do you think we can make it?" as I pointed out the shelter. It was a straight shot, but there was no cover. It was dangerous, but we had no choice.
"There's only one way to find out." he paused and looked at me, "On the count of three?"
"One." I whispered
"Two." Devon mumbled
"THREE!" we shouted together at as we ran across the compound, arrows and bullets flying around us.  I glanced behind us and saw we were being chased. Not only by pirates but by the zombies - and maybe ninjas - as well. I turned back around, vison locked on the door to the bomb shelter and could only hope that our feet could get us there before our brains became dinner.

Day 18. Write a letter to someone you've lost

Dear Grampy,

I don't know if you can hear me, but I have to tell you anyway. I love you so much. No one is ever going to mean, what you meant to me. You were my only Grandfather, the only one I'm ever going to have. I know that you have more than one granddaughter, but I just hope you know that I love you, and I know you love me. Last year, before you started getting sick, you came over for dinner and when you were leaving you gave me a hug and said "I love you Tracy, no matter what happens, you know that right?" That's how I know you still love me now, from where ever it is you are. When you lived in Colorado, and you would come a visit, I would cry for hours because I didn't want you to leave. Sometimes I would go to bed crying because I missed you so much. I remember when you first moved back, I played that game of cribbage against you, and SKUNKED YOU! Horseback riding is always going to remind me now, I never got to really thank you for the lessons. Now every time I ride, in the back of my mind I'll be thinking of you and how you're watching over me, seeing me happy. I can imagine you smiling, its so good to see you smile' even if its just in my mind. Even though it hurt watching you come back just to get sick, but at least you got sick here, at least you got to be with your family though the last few years.

Grandpa, I will never forget you and what you mean to me. I hope that where ever you are, you don't hurt any more and you're enjoying the freedom. Even though I know you're in a better place I wasn't ready for you to go, so stay with me in spirit for as long as you can okay? I love you

Your Granddaughter,

Tracy

Day 17. Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?

Over the past two years in high school, I have changed so much. During my freshmen year, I had zero confidence in who I was or what I did. I found myself sitting in the back of all of my classes, avoiding conversation with anyone who wasn't my friend. I was the weird nerdy kid. I wore skinny jeans and graphic T-Shirts and fishnet gloves over my hands and wrists. I hated who I was and didn't think it was ever going to get any better. My self confidence was at zero, I didn't think that I would be able to make it anywhere in life.

This year, I am a totally different person.  I am far more outgoing. Whether this is because of maturing through high school or because of having to face people at my job. I am slowly becoming more and more confident in everything that I do. In the past two years I have found my passion in horseback riding, and found comfort in singing with the chorus. the way I dress now says a lot about the person I have become. Before I would throw on what ever I could find, not really caring about the impression my clothes were giving off. But this year, I care about how I look; not in a conceded way, but in a way that says "I care about how others perceive me." I feel as though I am a stronger, more confident person who knows that she has a lot to offer the world. 

Day 16. Your Dream Job

At the end of next year, I have big plans to go to college, preferably Johnson and Wales University in Rhode Island or University of New Hampshire. At the end of those four years I want to graduate with a degree in Equine Business Management-Riding. When I graduate, I want to get a good job at a barn, maybe barn manager, something that pays well. I want to buy a house with some land in either Maine or New Hampshire, build a barn, and get some horses. My ultimate goal is to eventually open up my own barn, and offer riding lessons for kids who have a passion for horses/riding but might not have the money to ride. I don't think that it is fair to make riding lessons so expensive. I know that the horse world is expensive, but if you lower lesson prices, and get more students, the costs should even out.  I'm going to have a lot of hard work in my future, but in the end I think its all going to be worth it. 

Day 15. Write a short "scary" story about an encounter with on old acquaintance.

The bell above the door rung as I walked into the coffee shop. "Good Morning, Jill!" the barista greeted me from behind the counter. "Morning, Mike. Give me my regular""You got it," he said with a smile. "One grande skinny vanilla latte with soy-milk coming right up." After a moment Mike handed me my drink. "So whats on your plate today, busy lady?" he asked me.
"Oh you know, just the usual, saving babies from burning buildings and all that jazz."
"Just a typical day being superwoman, right?"
"Of course." I said with a smile, "Well, I've gotta get going. See you later Mike" I waved to him and turned to head out the door. As I took my first step out of the door I ran right into another gentleman. My hot latte splashing all over my bright dress. "Oh my god!"
"I'm so sorry!" he said as he was picking up my cup. "Are you alright?" he asked, looking at me for the first time. His facial expression shifted from scared and concerned to a look of recognition. "Jill Richardson." 
I searched his face for any sign of recognition, his eyes were the most familiar thing. They were a bright green, and they reminded me of my teenage years. "Kevin Johnson, is that you?" 
"It's great to see you, Jill." He said as he embraced me quickly "I am SO sorry about your latte, and your dress." he said as he looked me up and down, inspecting the coffe stains on my new spring dress. "I will be right back, I'm going to go get you another latte." He started walking toward the counter, before turning around, "What we're you drinking?" 
"Just ask Mike, he knows my order." I chuckled as I checked my watch, I didn't have much time to spare. Kevin returned a few minutes later, carrying two hot beverages. 
"There you go, ma'am." He said with a smile, as he sat down next to me. "I am sorry."
"Oh, don't worry about it."
"How long has it been Jill?"
"Too long." I paused, looking at my watch once again. "I'm really sorry, but if I don't get going soon, I'm going to be late to a very important business meeting."
"That's too bad, I was looking forward to catching up with you." He gently placed his hand on top of mine.
"Uh, yeah, me too. But you know, duty calls." I said as I quickly pulled my hand away and placed it on my lap.
"You know, I've never stopped thinking about you." he slid his chair closer to me.
"Well, high school is pretty unforgettable." I noticed that he was slowing getting closer. 
"Maybe we could get together sometime, you know, like old times." he grabbed my hand again. 
"Maybe." I removed my hand even faster this time. I stood up, I was starting to feel rather uncomfortable. He was great in high school, popular, attractive, and smart. But now, he was just plain creep. "Well," I stood up abruptly, "I've got to get going now." 
"Jill, wait." He grabbed my arm. 
"Get, your hands off of me!" I shouted at him as I smacked his hand. He quickly removed it from my arm. Mike looked up from behind the counter, concern written all over his face. 
"Jill, calm down." He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door, "I just want to walk you out." 
"Let go!" I tried to pull my hand away.
 "I can get you a cab." He pushed me toward the door.
"Mike! Help me!" I shouted toward him. He jumped over the counter, and plowed straight into Kevin. 
"She said to leave her alone." Mike's voice was cold and harsh. Kevin tried to fight back, but Miked punched him in the face once.
"Mike, don't hurt him. I don't want you getting in trouble." I pulled him off of Kevin. Kevin stumbled to his feet and bulted out the door. Mike raced after him, but stopped once he was a few feet outside. "If I ever see your face around here again, I swear to God, I will kick the crap out of you." 
Once Kevin was out of sight, Mike returned inside. I ran to embrace him and thank him for saving me. 
"Thank you so much." 
"I thought, you were supposed to be the one saving people? Not the one needing the saving?"
"Well even superwoman has an off day, right?"

Day 14. Friends

C.S. Lewis once said that "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." I couldn't agree more. Friendship gives us a reason to keep living. Without them, we have to face the world alone. Sure you have family, but they aren't always going to be there when you're out in the world all alone. Having friends shows us a special type of love that only friends can give us. One of my favorite quotes is from the show M*A*S*H* "Hawkeye: Without love, what are we worth? 89 cents. 89 cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely."
I know a lot of people may say this but I have the best friends in the entire world. The are always there for me whenever I need them, and I will never be able to thank them enough for that. Over the past two years of high school I have made so many new friends. Even though I may have lost a coulpe along the way, I wouldn't change them for the world. Even though at the end of this year, I will be losing about half of my friends to graduation, I will never forget the priceless memories that we have made together. 

Day 13. When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet?

When I'm stressed out, I know two things that will always calm me down.
One of them is Art.
Art has always been my sanctuary. When ever I'm drawing, I feel so calm and relaxed, no free. I'm not sure why but I have always loved art. When I was little, I would spend hours at the kitchen table playing with modeling clay. I would make different people and horses out of this clay and act out scenes. I made a house out of an empty clementine container, complete with carpets, furniture, and blankets. To be honest, they weren't very good but to be fair, I was only 6-7 years old. Soon after my focus shifted to drawing, first using a "Learn to Draw Animals" book. My skills slowly progressed, getting better with each drawing. Now I think that I am a fairly skilled artist, even though I am far from amazing. I find comfort in being able to control what happens in my drawings. It's like I'm making up for not being able to control my life. I know that art will always be there for me and I find great comfort in that.

Day 12. A favorite memory

A favorite memory of mine, has to be new years eve of last year. I know that this, being an english project, probably isn't the best place to talk about my relationship. But the prompt asked me a question, and I'm not going to lie.
Last new years eve (2010-2011), was one of the first new years eves that I was actually in Maine. Normally I am in New York at my grandmothers, because we go down there for christmas. Last year was different. This was the first year that I had a boyfriend at home during the holidays, and my parents thought it would be a good idea to be home for new years.
I invited Aeleah and Alan over to my house for a "new years eve party". There was lots of food, and silly games like apples to apples, and for when the ball dropped, sparkling grape juice.
11:59. The juice was poured into glass cups to prepare for the toast.
3...2...1.... It was at this very moment that Tim said "I love you" for the first time. Even though it was so quiet that I could hardly hear it, this is something that I will never be able to forget.

Day 11. An adventure

Two summers ago, I went on the best adventure, ever. It was oh so very spontaneous and fun.
I was at Aeleah's house with Jeny, Jake, and Anna. We casually walked through the woods in her back yard, when we decided that it would be a good idea to go on a walk.
As we were walking down the road, laughing at every little thing, we came across what was supposed to be a yellow face painted on a telephone pole that said "have a nice day' on it.
Soon enough we came to the newly renovated culvert on Weymouth Rd, as stood on the waters edge. While talking in the peace, we noticed that Jake was missing. Though he hadn't gone far, just about 100 feet down the river, but due to a large tree, we couldn't see him. It was as we ventured back into the woods after Jake, is when the real fun began.
Jake was the first to notice something, was a little strange. Not only was there a perfectly built bridge across the river, there was also a small shack in the distance. As we made our way closer to this "house" multiple things happened, I overcame a fear (for a moment), feet got wet, shoes were lost to the mud, and we all got a little dirty.
When we arrived at the house, we were (and still are) rather as to what its purpose was. We noticed that there was a large pipe leading down what appeared to be a logging road, and up a large hill. So, naturally, we followed it. In the meantime, Jake asked a question that I will never forget..."What if, when we got to the end of this pipe, Obama jumped out and yelled YOU WON!?" I still haven't given him an answer...
Anyway, when we go to the top of the hill we found out selves at the edge of the strawberry field on Mayal rd. Instead of turning around and going home, we decided to take a few pictures to remember the event.
Which is what I'm going to do now. Sometimes, pictures speak louder than words.

Day 10. Something you hate.

Letting me talk about something I hate is potentially dangerous, I could go on forever. But for the good of everyone, I'll try and keep it short.

Something I have a lot of hatred toward is, horse slaughter. I'm sure this doesn't really surprise you, considering my history with horses, but this is something I will fight for till the end of my life.

Horse slaughter is just so unnecessary. Did you know that 92.3% of all horses sent to slaughter are in good, healthy condition? Meaning there is nothing wrong with them and they could be found homes and given the love they deserve. Also, The Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation and NY Racing Association states that 7 to 9 THOUSAND racehorse are slaughtered every year.  Most of these poor horses are slaughtered simply for the money, exported to different countries to be made into dog food. Not only, are people selling their horses and sending them to slaughter, people are stealing horses from pastures. These are peoples pets! Imagine waking up to find that your dog was stolen from your back yard, you'd be angry and very upset, right? Well that is what the owners of these horses feel. When slaughter was outlawed in California, the theft rate dropped by 34%.
So many people thing that slaughter houses use humane methods to kill these animals, but they do not!
No, they either hang horses upside down by their back leg and cut their throats while they are still conscious, or shoot them in the head multiple times before cutting their throat. Both methods are very painful and inhumane.
I could go on forever about this, but I'm going to stop myself right here before I start to get really angry.

Day 9. Talk about a poem

I am home in heaven, dear ones,
Oh! so happy and so bright,
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light,
All the pain and grief are over,
Every restless yearning passed;
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in heaven at last.


Dear one's do not grieve so sorely
For I love you dearly still;
Try to look beyond earth's shadow's,
Pray to trust our Father's will
When your work is all completed
He will gently call you home,
Oh! the rapture of that meeting
Oh! the joy to see you come.


I found this poem after my grandfather passed away. It was in with pictures of him, and was at his funeral. When  I first found it, I started crying when I was reading it. My grandfathers death was so fresh in my mind, and it touched my heart in a way I will never be able to forget. At the time it fit the situation so perfectly. Now when I read this poem, not only do I think if my grandfather, but of Dawn, and Uncle Walt as well.
Its funny how one poem can give someone so many emotions.
This poem is so bitter sweet to me, but right now, more bitter. It is reminding me of just how much I miss my grandfather, Dawn, and Uncle Walt. The only way to get by, is to do what the poem says.

Day 8. Something personal - Chorus Concert

So I just got home from the chorus and band concert and It went amazing. 

We all so sounded amazing and we kicked ass considering the semester that we have had so far. All of the soloists during the songs we amazing and the acts between we very good as well (thanks to Brogan I have "Cats in the Cradle" stuck in my head). 
On a more serious note I thought what the band kids did for Ms. Polletto was really nice,dedicating their last song "phantom of the opera" was a very nice touch for the students and parents of her old students. The moment of silence at the end was beautiful, it wasn't awkward at all. I find that most moments of silence to be rather awkward, but this felt almost natural. I have a feeling that Ms. Polletto is smiling down at us for putting on an amazing show. 
Also I wanted to thank Mr. MacDonald for working with us when we were going through hell and helped us put on a great show, we couldn't have done this without him. Even though he is a lot different that Cassidy, he is a very good conductor. We have had a lot of problems over the past few months and if it wasn't for him we wouldn't have just put on a great show. I personally hope to see him back here next year. 
Since I am utterly exhausted, that is all I'm going to write for the 8th day of my writing challenge project, and I hope that was personal enough. 

Day 7. Write a poem about something you love.

A poem about something I love? The first thing that popped into my mind was horseback riding. Naturally. So here is a little poem about horseback riding =]

Horse and Rider
flying through the air
as though they are suspended.
The beat of experienced hooves
powers them along.
Rider, young and bold,
confident but scared.
Horse, ancient beauty,
calm and collected like no other.
Horse and Rider
together they blend into one.
With great force
the horse springs
and travels far across
an endless sky.

I have to hand write my poetry before I write in on a computer, I don't know why, but I do. Anyway when I was done writing I started looking through my journal and found a poem that would have been perfect for my spoke word poem we had to present in front of the class today. Damn, why couldn't I have found that earlier!? Well here it is..

What is a horse?
A horse is beauty.
Whose grace us interrupted by a simple blink
With dainty eyes and listening ears

What is a horse?
A horse is strong.
A tree in a storm that refuses to fall
A weathered rock that sticks around

What is a horse?
A horse is poetry in motion.
Dancing across the ring
Like a breeze across the ocean

What is a horse?
A horse is a partner.
Whom we trust with our lives
Every time we borrow their freedom

What is a horse?
A horse is a gift.
That God created to fly without wings
And carry prayers upon its back

So you ask me
What is a horse?
And I tell you
A horse - is perfection.

Day 6. Write what you are thinking about

Currently my stress level is on high. I'm not really sure why, I don't have a lot of stuff to do really.
I think its more the fact that my junior year in high school is almost over.
I don't want to be a senior yet.
I'm scared as hell.
I'm scared to:

• have the seniors leave and be all alone
• Become a senior
• Apply to college
• Graduate
• Leave the house, the state even, and go to college. 
• to grow up. 

Actually I'm terrified to read my poem out loud in class tomorrow. Like I already feel like I'm starting to shake. I have horrible anxiety when it comes to doing anything in front of a class. Last year for example, I had a full blown panic attack the night before we had to do a speech for our final. The only reason I got though that was because I knew I was presenting facts, and that's all that mattered. This is different. This is something that I wrote, something that is personal to me, something I would NEVER read aloud under normal circumstances. I feel sick to my stomach with the idea of reading this poem in front of the class. The option we have to record it, to me is ever worse because I sound like an idiot in recordings, so adding that on top of the anxiety I already have would be a really bad idea.
I know this probably sounds silly, ranting about English on a blog that was started to do an English project. But I'm just listening to the prompt, this is what I'm thinking about right now.

Day 5. Write a letter to someone

Dear Wifey (Aeleah),

Even though I have known you for quite some time, you have really only been my best friend since freshmen year. It's crazy to think that in this short amount of time, we have become so close. You have helped turn some of my darkest, most stressful days, into bright ones. You have been there for me whenever I needed someone to make me smile. But I think one of the best things about our friendship is, I honestly can't think of a time where we have ever really fought, and that makes me smile.

You are absolutely ridiculous, crazy, odd, strange, and just plain weird, but that's why I love you. Do you remember the nights when you were living at Jeny's and I slept on your floor? What I remember most is, not sleeping. We really shouldn't be allowed to have the internet that late at night. I have a lot of memories in that room, good and bad, I'm sure you do too. You know, considering it was your room. Haha.

Do you remember Rocky Horror, the first L.L. Bean trip, strawberry fields, Panic!, parties at Anna's, late night talks? I like that I can share all of these memories with you, and I can't wait to make a bunch more this summer and next year. Most people don't stay friends with their high school friends because they lose touch with each other after going to college. You are the only one of my friends that I think I am going to stay friends with. There is no way I could go though college without you, because there are going to be so many things that I'm going to have to tell you. My mom is still best friends with her bestie from high school, so why can't we?

Love,
Your Wifey.

P.S. I would make this letter a lot longer but I can't seem to find words for the things I want to say. Also I am crazy tired, and I figured you of all people would know how I'm feeling. So goodnight Wifey, and thanks for the hug today, I really needed it.

Day 4. What do you truly think about yourself?

What do I truly think of myself? I had a feeling I was going to have to answer something like this during this month but I am a little shocked that it happened so soon.

Well if I am being 100% honest, I don't really like myself. I have always had problems with self image. I'm not really sure why, but it is something that I have been working on improving since about 6th or 7th grade.

There are a lot of things about myself that I don't like, not so much with my appearance (although there are a few things I would change), but more with my personality/mental state. I often find myself to be very awkward and annoying. So to try and fix this, I try to stay silent. Which makes it even more awkward when I talk.
I know it doesn't seem like it to many, I'm not comfortable with who I and I'm really trying to fix  that.

However, there are parts of me that I do like. I love my eyes, they're my favorite feature on my body. I think I am pretty funny when I want to be and I've always thought that I was rather smart. And I love the passion I have for horses, it is something that I would never want to give up.

The way I see it is, no one is ever going to be 100% completely happy with themselves. People are always going to be hard oh themselves and there is nothing we can do about it. We just also need to learn how to love ourselves too, because a little love can go a long way.

Day 3. There is a Dinosaur in your back yard

**It is currently 12:15am and after a long day of SAT testing, watching the play and crying my eyes out because I'm gonna miss the seniors, I am in no mind set to write. Instead I am going to complete this entry before I go to work tomorrow morning.**


It was what seemed like a typical Saturday morning, lazily I rolled out of bed and talked over to my curtains and snapped them up to let light into my room. I turned around and started to get myself ready for the day, it wasn't until I returned to the window a good twenty minutes later did I notice it.

"Holy crap." I muttered to myself. Outside of my bedroom window, sitting in my back yard was a tiny dinosaur, no more than 2 feet tall. Thinking I was just imagining it I walked downstairs.

"Hey mom, have you looked outside at all this morning?" I asked, hoping she would be able to tell me I was seeing things.

"No sweetie, I haven't"

Crap.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well it's a lovely day, why don't you take a look." I watched her closely as she moved toward the window

"OH MY!" She looked at me, "There's a Dinosaur in our back yard!" I guess I wasn't crazy after all.

"I know."

"What are we going to do!?"

"Well it looks nice enough, and it's rather tiny." I paused, looking out the window and the blueish-green dragon munching on our trees. "I'm gonna go get a closer look" I walked outside, and slowly made my way toward the dragon. It kept munching on the plant life, hardly noticing my existence. "Hey there little fella" I spoke softly, reaching my hand out to touch it. It lifted its head up, and moved closer to me. I froze as it walked into my hand and started nuzzling me. I instantly relaxed. "Mom, come out here!" I called to her.

She slowly made her way down our back steps,"Are you sure its safe?"

"Yeah, look at uh....Him, I think."

"Well he is rather cute."

"So what are we going to do with him?" I asked

"Well we have to think of a name, don't we?"

"Why?" I was confused, why did we need a name for a dinosaur we weren't going to have for very much loner.

"Well people are going to ask for his name when you tell them you have a pet dragon at home!"

Day 2. A couple.

Walking through the park on a warm summers day, memories of childhood running though their minds as their elderly feet shuffle across the ground. Looking around at the softly rolling green hill he noticed a path, a path that he hadn't seen in a long time.

"Love" he spoke to his wife, "Do you remember that path?" he asked pointing to it.

"Of course I do. When we were young we raced up to the top of that hill, and once we both got to the top, you kissed me for the first time" she happily remembered as she squeezed his hand gently.

"Race you." he said, a sparkle of youth bright in his eyes.

"You're on, old man." she replied, as she took off up the hill. Even though she got a head start, he caught up to her in no time and was already half way up the hill, with her trailing behind. He thought for a moment, and quickly bent down and untied his shoe, making sure his wife didn't see. He took his time tying it again, by the time he returned to their race, she was practically to the top.

She stood triumphantly at the top of the hill, waiting for him to catch up.

"You know, I seem to remember that I won all those years ago too." She smirked, he didn't like being reminded that he lost to a girl.

"Well, I guess some things never change." He smiled down at her a kissed her softly, feeling youthful once again.




**Well I know this is kind of short but I thought that it was cute. I got the idea from a post on the "gives me hope" website. But I had to cut this one short because I need to get sleep for the SATs tomorrow!**

Day 1. Something you love

When I look out my window I see  the rolling green hills lines with study white fences that I have grown so fond of. I tried to remember a time when I wasn't awoken by the sound of my mare's excited whinny. Quickly I made my way downstairs, put on my favorite pair of barn boots and headed out toward the barn. The nickers of the other horses grew louder as I approached, as if they knew that I was coming. I know it may seem odd to some, but I don't think I'll ever grow tired of waking up at 5 a.m. to give my horses their morning feed. One thing I have learned from this life is to never give up on something you love. Unfortunately I had to learn that the hard way.

There was a time, not too long ago where I almost gave up on these beautiful animals, when I almost gave up on everything.

Seven months ago, I didn't wake up to the nickers of my mare or to the familiar green pastures. No I woke it to the steady beeping of my own heart. I laid motionless in a hospital bed, not knowing what was going to happen to me. I wracked my brain for information but all I could remember was the loud crack of my head when it slammed in the railings of the fence as a tumbled into them. The doctor told me that I broke my neck in three places and that I was medically paralyzed so my neck could heal without any complications. My world crashed down around me when I realized I may be paralyzed for the rest of my life. I didn't know what to do.

First I blamed the horse, saying that if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here, facing the biggest fear of my life. Hating her for spooking at nothing in a corse we had done a hundred times. Then I blamed myself for being so stupid for not realizing what exactly she had spooked at. I questioned myself as a rider and as a person. My anger boiled over, and I swore that I would never ride again.

With the passing months the mobility in my arms and legs had quickly improved, but my spirits remained low. I couldn't take the blame off of my shoulders. I hadn't returned to the barn since the accident that was nearly five months earlier. I couldn't make myself face the animal that put me in this mess.

Suddenly my doctor decided that therapeutic riding would be a good way for me to loosen my muscles again That's all it took for me to fall in love all over again. Quickly I was once surrounded by those rolling green pastures, calming nickers, and the smell of hay. For the first time since the accident, I knew that I would never again take something I love for granted again.






**So I just finished my first blog entry and I think it turned out alright. I wasn't feeling very creative tonight as I was writing it, so to me it almost seemed a bit forced. I feel as though if I was to go through the story ideas I could probably really improve on the writing.**

This Blog.

I have just set up this blog as a way to complete a challenge project that I have been assigned for my Creative Writing class at school.
I have found this 30 day writing challenge on tumblr and am going to complete it by posting one entry every day. Since the project is due on the 30th I don't know if I will be able to finish all 30 days...well maybe if I'm feeling adventurous I'll do two in one. There are some short story prompts as well as some personal questions in here as well
1. Something you love
2. A couple.
3. There is a Dinosaur in your back yard
4. What do you truly think about yourself?
5. Write a letter to someone
6. Write what you are thinking about
7. Write a poem about something you love.
8. Something personal.
9. Talk about a poem
10. Something you hate.
11. An adventure
12. A favorite memory…
13. When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet?
14. Friends.
15. Write a short scary story about an encounter with on old acquaintance
16. Your Dream Job
17. Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?
18. Write a letter to someone you've lost
19. Pirate-Ninja-Zombie Wars
20. Your favorite writ­ing project/universe that you’ve worked with
21. Write a story using song lyrics as inspiration. 
22. Something irritating.
23. An argument.
24. Write a haiku
25. Post a poem you wrote a while ago.
26. Write about something ugly — war, fear, hate, cruelty — but find the silver lining in it..
27. Post a story of your own that you have written at least a month ago.
28. A suicide note.
29. Write a poem about feeling free
30. What have you learned over these past 30 days?